this is gonna be the 444 posts for this entry. which mean is not gonna be a good entry. let's start off with the day. my exams are mostly over. left the last paper and today maths paper seriously sucks! i just don't like it. yapps. no why. today i met her again. but is a different feeling. i'm down perhaps of the maths paper earlier on. but i thought seeing her i will be happy. but it turn out that this guy came out with her. that guy stalked her and waited for her for 30mins just for her. but what about me? i took a cab down right after my exams because i thought i will be late. ending up i reach at 245pm. i waited patiently and didn't sms her that i reached. i didn't sms her because i know she is having her lessons. but she said i didn't sms her. owells.. what to do? i just want you to know that whatever i do for you is the best for u. even i don't do that to myself because i don't bear to spend those money. i scrimp and save up meals because they are waste of money. spending those money on you is much more worth it. those mooncakes u favour for. the smile and happiness i see in you just melts my heart. i don't feel any pinch at all. that is love i guess. she seem to keep alot of things from me and all. i don't know why and it just makes me feel so insecure. seriously. i tried asking and all i get is , forget? i don't know? i really breaks my heart. i really don't like it because this makes me more worried. u might be thinking, "nah.. i don't want him to worry" but u r wrong. inverse it. later after our stroll and lunch, we took a cab and sent her home. everything was alright i guess. just that i was thinking, today seem bad. i don't really get to receive her sms as often. don't get her reply as like before. but this has a reason behind it. she is stressed with studies. i don't blame her for that in fact i encouraged her to do that. that's why i feel i needa get used to it. and yeas.. i think she won't have much time for me either. her exams are coming and no matter what, i will just give u all my support. in terms of morally or whatever, i will always be there when u turn back. another factor is am i really not good for her? she seem to be quite popular with guys i guess? i am proud that she got that charm but sad to say, insecurity again. i hope this won't haunt me for nights because it doesn't feels good. tomorrow she will be busy till 6pm. the only time i can spend with her is just that short 20mins bus/mrt trip to potong pasir for her tuition class. is gonna be short but i will try anything just to see her. saturday i doubt i can see her because she is so damn busy. what to do? bobby, back off and return to your court and basketball. yes, i will. just to make myself really tired and don't think of anything. i doubt so. people, please tell me what to do. :(
i'm not gonna hold you tight thou i'm afraid of losing you. i'm gonna stand there looking after you, because i love you. i'm feeling so hurt, when i know i can't help much. i just want to have 1 minute of time with you, because it feels like 1o years in heaven. i'm praying for you, because you are amanda.
